Bas U Hin (5): Just Like That — I Will Not Allow Anyone to Hurt My Soul
“The deepest wounds are seldom inflicted by strangers. They are left by those we trusted enough, to let into our hearts. The sharper the expectation, the deeper the hurt.”
Life has taught me a simple, yet profound truth: the greatest pain rarely comes from our enemies. It usually comes from those we love the most.
Why Does this Happen?
Perhaps because relationships are rarely built on love alone. They also carry expectations, obligations, comparisons, entitlement, and the invisible baggage of shared memories. Every disagreement is weighed against years of history. Every hurt is magnified by the silent belief that “they should have known better.”
Families and close relationships often become arenas, where affection gets entangled with ego, unspoken expectations, and the subtle politics of who did more, who owes whom, and who was right. Love quietly gives way to accounting.
As William Shakespeare is often credited with saying,
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”
The wisdom remains timeless. Expectations often create the pain that reality merely reveals.
Friendships Are Different
Friendships, however, are different.
A relationship begins with birth; a friendship begins with choice. One is inherited, the other is earned.
True friends may know every chapter of your life—your failures, weaknesses, mistakes, and scars—yet they choose to stand beside you. Not because they have to, but because they want to.
Perhaps that is why friendship often feels lighter than many relationships. There is no inheritance to divide. No social role to defend. No invisible ledger of give and take.
This does not mean friendships are perfect. They are not.
They simply survive, because they are nourished more by acceptance, than by entitlement.
The Turmoil of Expectations
The real battle, however, is not with people. It is with our own expectations.
The greater our expectations, the deeper our disappointment.
Every expectation, silently hands over a part of our emotional well-being to someone else. The moment we expect others to behave according to the script we have written for them, we surrender a measure of our peace to their choices.
Gautam Buddha’s timeless wisdom reminds us: –
“Attachment is often the root of suffering”.
Expectations are nothing but invisible attachments of how we believe others should behave.
Peace begins the day we stop expecting people to think, feel, or respond, exactly as we would.
This does not mean we stop loving them. It simply means we stop making our peace dependent on their choices.
How to Deal with Hurt?
Every hurt presents two choices. We can become prisoners of bitterness. Or we can become students of life.
One imprisons the soul. The other strengthens it. Not by becoming bitter. Not by building walls around the heart. But by building strength within the soul.
Accept that people act according to their own level of awareness, understanding, and emotional maturity.
Forgive where you can—not because the other person always deserves forgiveness, but because your own heart deserves freedom.
Some Wisely Say:-
“Forgive, but never forget the lesson.”
There is wisdom in that. Learn the lesson. Maintain healthy boundaries. Move forward without carrying resentment.
My Soul Is My Sanctuary
Above everything else, guard your inner self. Your soul is your sanctuary—your final line of defence. Protect it as a soldier protects the nation’s borders. Once inner peace is breached, no external victory can compensate for the loss.
People may wound your emotions. They may disappoint your expectations. But they cannot damage your soul unless you surrender it to them.
For me, only one has the right to shape, judge, or humble my soul—God. Everyone else is simply a fellow traveller on life’s journey, imperfect, just like me.
Life becomes infinitely lighter when we stop keeping emotional accounts.
Someone Wisely Observed:-
“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
The burden is never carried by the one who hurt us. It is carried by the one who refuses to let go.
Love without possession. Serve without expectation.
Protect your peace without hardening your heart. Forgive without forgetting the lesson.
Because in the end, the greatest victory is not proving someone else wrong. It is ensuring that no one succeeds in stealing the peace that God has placed within you.
In Summary
Life is too precious to spend keeping emotional accounts.
Relationships may disappoint us. Friends may sometimes fail us.
Life will certainly test us. But our soul remains our own sacred responsibility. Guard your peace more fiercely than your pride.
Pride may win an argument. Peace wins a lifetime.
“Nobody can wound my soul without my permission. I will forgive where I can, learn where I must, and protect the peace that God has entrusted to me.”
“Some lessons are not taught by life; they are quietly discovered while living it.”
Maj Gen Ranjit Singh Ghumman, SM, VSM, PhD
Reflections on Life, Leadership & the Human Spirit
Generals Compazz | Bas U Hin – Just Like That